I came to Bikram Yoga last September to help my running. Running has been an integral part of my life for the last 30 years. Now I find myself doing only Bikram Yoga every day and wondering if I will ever go back to running at all. Writing this has forced me to think through how that came to be.
I was pretty shocked at how difficult it was the first time I did it. I knew my flexibility was limited, and I thought the heat might be a factor, but I was pretty confident that I was in shape. I had been training at around a six minute pace for 10 miles three times a week and doing an even longer run on Sundays. I thought surely this would get me through what I assumed would be a little stretching in a hot room.
I could not have been more mistaken. I was out of breath the entire class. There was an aspect to every pose, and in several cases entire poses, that I just flat could not do. By the end of my first class, it was all I could do to drag myself out of the room. I asked myself how I could possibly come back within 24 hours.
I did come back, but the way I reacted was counterproductive. I tried to attack every pose. I stressed and strained and suffered. I was competitive. I viewed it almost like football practice in the summer heat, trying to master the drills and make the team.
This approach wore me out. So one day out of desperation I decided that I would just dog it – just go through the motions and not try too hard. I discovered to my surprise that I could feel the sensations involved more clearly and that I could actually get deeper into the poses.
I could not figure out initially why that would be the case so I started to experiment. My practice quickly became an intellectual endeavor in addition to a physical one. I concluded that I had not really been dogging it after all. What I was doing was learning to relax.
I found out how important it is to identify pain or stress as it arises and then choose how to react to it. I learned that I did not have to fight it or to flee from it but that I had an opportunity to just accept it and explore it without panicking. I started to experience what "relax into it" really means.
This is what I now try to focus on in every class. I find that focusing on these things keeps me in the moment, tells me about myself in unending detail, and gets me through the most difficult days. It is extremely rewarding.
I would like to apply these same lessons outside of class, and I am working on that too. It is good to know that, whether I am inside or outside of class, at least I have a chance to improve with constant practice. I have a feeling I am going to be at this for a long, long time.
