Bikram yoga has been the impetus for an extraordinary change within me I realize now has been years in the making. My life goal (since an 8th grade English assignment) had been to become a physician--midway through my junior year at University of Minnesota, however, I realized my life had become an ever-deepening cycle of stress-related compulsions, from drinking to exercise to worsening bouts with bulimia nervosa. I discovered the path I thought I "should" be on was not the one for me, but not having much beyond that external goal for so many years, I did not have a real sense of identity. Without a goal for the first time since early childhood—is wanting to be Madonna really a goal?—I did a 180, and unfortunately ended up in an even worse place shortly after graduation. After extricating myself from self-destruction in Minneapolis, then backpacking through South America for four months, I moved to Dallas to stay with my Aunt Connie. The old habits kicked back in as I busied myself with 60 hour work weeks and every-night partying. My cousin Derek had mentioned Bikram yoga many times--it took too long to actually get me to a class, but from that very first day, Christmas Eve 2004, my life has changed completely. It was as if my body and mind had been awakened from a long, fitful sleep, and I felt amazing inside and out. At brunch after this first class, I took Derek's journal and wrote down that this was a day of firsts—first Bikram class, first day as a vegetarian (yes, one class and I gave up meat!); first day of the rest of my life—and I have not looked back. Since then, what began as an entirely physical endeavor to get my body back to a place where I could feel good about myself has evolved into a life-changing mental and spiritual journey?
From a physical perspective, staring at your barely-clothed self in the mirror for 90 minutes can be an eye opening experience. Now, instead of looking in the mirror and judging myself by how I appear on the outside—through my own distorted lens—I turn inward and listen to my body and that guiding voice to determine where I am versus where I "need" to be, inside and out.
From a social angle, Bikram yoga has given me a much-needed community of friends and supporters in what was at first an overwhelmingly large and unfriendly city. Not only that, it's helped to remind me on a daily basis that life is what you make it, no matter who you are or where you have been. I view this studio as a virtual melting pot of personalities, drawn together by common values and a collective desire to better the self and the world. Many of the people I've met here I would not have known otherwise, and I am eternally grateful.
Finally, as far as that all-important life direction is concerned, Bikram has helped me there as well. As I learn to focus and clear my mind of all the junk that clouds it 99% of the time—and ongoing process—it becomes easier and easier to find direction. This fall, I will be attending teacher training at Bikram's Headquarters in Los Angeles, and hope to return with an even greater capacity to bring this life-changing practice into the lives' of others who are looking for it but just don't know it yet. To everybody at Bikram Yoga Dallas, thank you. You have inspired me with your uniqueness; pushed me in life and in my practice (whether I liked it or not!), and become wonderful friends to laugh and cry and do crazy things.
Sarah Stout
