On April 6, 2005, a man talking on his cell phone ran a red light going about 60mph and hit my car on the passenger side, and I sustained numerous significant injuries. Five doctors, and five months later, at the urging of my good friends Raj Narayanan and Joe Cole, I called Karen at Bikram Yoga Dallas. That first session was the first time since the accident that someone showed me what I could do instead of what I couldn't do. Her optimism and encouragement were infectious; I was hooked.
I committed myself to going to class 3-4 days week, and within the first month, noticed my pain begin to abate (usually an 8 on a scale of 10 was now down to 6). The more yoga, the less pain. My ankle was becoming more stable, but the pain was still immense. My sports medicine ankle specialist diagnosed nerve damage in my ankle and foot and suggested severing the nerve; he also advised rebuilding the badly damaged ligaments and tendons. With Christina Swink's experience healing her ACL through Bikram and without surgery in my mind, however, I decided to opt out of surgery and focus healing through my Bikram practice.
Having always been an extremely active and independent person, I felt I had lost so much of who I was because of the accident, and that feeling was hindering my healing. Then one day as I struggled to get into Fixed Firm, Jack said: "Don't be afraid. You are safe in this room." This was an epiphany; I was safe! It was then that my emotional healing really began. This yoga, the room, the energy, gave me a place to become someone I recognized again. No judgments, no "what was," no "what could have been." Sometimes after class I would find myself crying out of frustration in final savasana--although I was healing, I had so much farther to go, so much more pain to endure. And sometimes, in final savasana, I would find myself laughing out loud--I am beating this! I will get better, I would marvel. Both were healing emotions.
As the one year anniversary of the accident neared, and still limping because of the pain in my ankle, the specialist again recommended the ankle surgery, but noted (with great amazement) that the ligaments and tendons were healing quite well. I had the ankle surgery to remove the damaged nerve on April 7th of this year. Fours weeks to the day after surgery, I was ecstatic to be back in yoga class. My ankle feels great now! I have recommitted myself to practicing 4-5 days a week, and actually feel robbed if I can't make it that often.
So many astounding things have happened because of this yoga. When I started, I could not open the studio door or carry my mat with my left arm because of the shoulder pain. Now, I am back to being able to lift (very carefully) a 40 pound bag of dog food. At first it was difficult for me to even complete Pranayama deep breathing because of the dislocated ribs. I remember moving into Triangle Pose one day in October and feeling my ribs pop back where they belonged – and staying there. Even my jaw doesn't hurt as much – I think because I am learning to relax and "let go." As an added bonus, for the first time in 30 years, I feel like I can put my now size 6 frame into a two-piece swim suit.
Two neck surgeons tell me I need a neck fusion. A shoulder specialist tells me I need rotator cuff surgery. Bikram Yoga tells me that may not be the case. My pain is very manageable now and my strength continues to grow. Not just physical strength, but emotional and spiritual. I'm finding peace with what happened and how it's changed my life.
This yoga, in so many ways, gave me life again. When the nightmares come back, or inattentive drivers on cell phones freak me out, or a weather front moves in flaring up all of the injuries, I remember to breathe. Then, I go to yoga and remember that I am safe.
Everyone at the studio, from instructors to students, has given me so much energy, inspiration, courage and strength. I can't even begin to imagine where I'd be without them. I'll be forever grateful.
